Precious Pearls Ministries

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How many times have I cried at night?
Praying to God, please don’t let it be tonight,
The night you get mad at me once again.
When oh when am I ever going to win?
Nowhere to run inside this place.
Where could I go? I have no space.
How many times did I look at you
Thinking my love could change and rescue you?
I had to realize that you didn’t want to change;
It was something my love could not arrange.
How many nights did you question me,
Where I was going and who did I see,
Questioning our children and making them spies?
So much they have seen with their innocent eyes.
I pray,Lord, that this doesn’t make my sons
Be like their Daddy, abusing their loved ones.
I pray, Lord,that this doesn’t make my girls,
Allow love to be pain in their grownup world.
How many times did you put me down,
Then expect me to accept it and to lie down,
To give my body to you whenever you pleased?
The pain I felt inside this action did not ease.
Laying down all my pride and love for myself
I placed you first and left my needs up on a shelf.
How many times did I shake when you yelled,
Thinking I was living with a demon from hell?
How many times did I plan to go,
And you found out and told me no,
Always promising you won’t do it anymore,
My heart always trusting and believing that once again my love would be your
cure.
One day I saw a butterfly fly,
And I didn’t know why I started to cry.
It then I realized I wanted to be free,
Like the beautiful butterfly near the tree.
I was trapped in a cocoon, struggling to become free.
I didn’t have too much room because you were suffocating me.
I decided to break free from the cocoon like life.
Filled with lies, pain, anger and strife,
To fly away beautiful as the butterfly is free.
It was then I made the choice to sincerely love me.
Love is not abuse; love is not pain.
My love for myself is what I had to regain.
I know and believe God helped me to get away.
Which is the only reason I am here today,
Brought out of my cocoon.
Free to be loved, admired and strong as the butterfly in the rain,
Never again to allow love to be pain.
I give God the glory, honor and praise.
And seek to please Him for the rest of my days.
by: Dana Phyllis Rankin